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82457acb1a Managing Our Teenagers. That means we take some things for granted having intercourse naked and spending time over it; being able and willing to make it last; up to a whole afternoon on some occasion; having privacy and washing facilities; not being scared of things like genital kisses; not being obsessed with one sexual trick to the exclusion of all others, and, of course, loving each other.This book is about love as well as sex as the title implies: you dont get high-quality sex on any other basis either you love each other before you come to want it, or, if you happen to get it, you love each other because of it, or both. Coital play, like dreaming, is probably mans programmed way of dealing acceptably with these, just as children express their fears and aggressions in games. This is emotionally wasteful and you usually repeat the same mistakes. That includes out whole skin surface, our feelings of identity, aggression and so on, and all of our fantasy needs. There's nothing wrong with having a catalog of wish-list items, or books you borrowed from the local Library, for example.There are sites where you can read books online, but I don't know of them. There may be other places we can learn to express all of ourselves, and do it mutually, but there arent many.Those are our assumptions. The people who go to Masters and Johnson are getting over hangups so basic that in past generations the folk tradition would have taken care of them. All humans are sadistic, narcissistic, masochistic, bisexual and what have you if you stuck on all the labels you would look like a cabin trunk.
If they play at Indian tortures, out of jealously of their little brother or the opposite sex, we dont call that sadism: adults are unfortunately afraid of playing games, of dressing up, or acting scenes. We heard of a frogman who used to make his wife sleep in rubber bedsheets; he had to become a frogman for real, because dressing in a diving-suit for kicks was embarrassing and make him look odd. In this book we have not, for example, gone heavily on things like coital postures, The non-freak one are now familiar to most people from writing and pictures if not from trial the freak ones, as a rule, one could think of spontaneously, but few of them have marked advantages except as a spectator sport. Reading a full list of the unscheduled accessory sex behaviours which some normal people find helpful might be though thought a necessary preliminary to any extended sex relationship, particularly marriage if you really intend to stay with it, but so far the books havent helped much in this respect. As to our choice of needs and/or problems, weve based it on a good many years of listening to people.In writing descriptively about sex it is hard to not be solemn, however unsolemnly we play in bed. If youre shy of talking about sexual needs, make a list of the page numbers youd like your partner to read, and exchange lists (this isnt a plug to make you buy two copies you can take turns). Rather than sticking on labels like narcissism or sadomaschism, biologists and psychiatrists now tend to start looking at actual behaviours and seeing what use they are or what or what they signify.
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